05/05 - Fifth of May on Friday!

I grew up in KY. I've been to the infield for 15 Derbys, spent 5 years working at a racing bar. I'm kind of bitter about not getting that qual, sigh.

 

I'm not into it at all but that is a bucket list item of mine.... I was hoping Tom Brady would invite me this year but he took Garoppolo and Brissett

 

I thought Tom Brady was some kind of football person, but it's entirely likely that I'm wrong about that. I'm in the deep South now, but I'm not kidding. When I lived in KY and worked at that horse bar, there were (Irish folks) who recommended bets. They were trainers and foalers. I used to make a fair amount of money off of those recommendations. I have some sentimentality for those guys.

 

Ouch. Snubbed. There's always next year.

 

So a horse is sitting at home watching TV, and --------

Spoiler

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.

Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.

Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.

So the horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "why the long face?"

 

Do any of you understand why the best race horses come from certain spots in Kentucky and Japan? And Ireland actually.

 

I'll do a better job next year applying pressure to his Balls .....

 

See even a Pats fan can make a deflategate joke

 

Pattrick fans?

 

No idea what you're talking about, but here's a funny pic!

 

It's the limestone beneath the soil. It's something that is prevalent in each of those three locations. Evidendtly that legend is pertinent enough to convince folks in all three of those countries to try real hard to train horses to run for the roses so red.

 

I never would have known....interesting and now I want to Google and read

 

Shit, sorry. I was being a know it all.

 

Tried to get tacos for Cinco de Mayo, the place I wanted to go to was closed early.